I acknowledge mum guilt. I know it's real and I know a lot of us suffer from it. I also know it's all a bit daft as long as Grayson is healthy then really he is fine. It doesn't make days like today any easier though.
Today is Saturday. Tom is staying away with friends this weekend last minute so I didn't make any plans and it's just me and Grayson all day. It's half nine and we've been up nearly three hours yet all we've done is eat breakfast and watch The Wiggles. We live in a lovely city with lots to do, I'm surrounded by housework that could do with some attention and the dog will need walking but I just feel overwhelmed and trapped. It's shit when you feel like your anxiety is affecting your family, when you have a million ideas in your head of what you want to do but you just can't make it happen. It sounds ridiculous, even typing it out makes me feel a bit daft but that's honestly how it is.
Grayson seems happy enough. I just don't think I'm being fair to him though. I feel like we should be out at the park, seeing friends, running around soft play, something that gets his mind working and gives him a chance to blow off steam. Not stuck in a playpen next to a useless mum who's wondering how she'll manage to get a single thing done today. It's a horrible way to be, knowing that you have a problem and not knowing how you can get past it today.
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